Abuse was a large part of my young life and keeping that “secret” separated me from others. My safe zone was being in nature with my face to the sky as the wind blew through my hair, mind and heart. My love and devotion was only given to animals – they comforted me unconditionally.
What I discovered with the passing of time was my revealing the abuse to others was not the main factor that contributed to my personal healing. It was fueled by understanding a complicated yet simple, often forgotten “truth”.
“I was and am stronger than the abuse“.
Excerpt from “Silencing Echoes” – Book in Progress
“Silencing Echoes”, my personal healing memoir, takes a look at the various ways we attempt to silence the painful echoes from our past with frequent damaging effects on our health and spirituality as well as those around us. This non-fiction book is based on the parts of my life that not only hurt me the most, but taught me the most. There are things in this book that no person on this earth should ever experience, but the primary focus is not on the horror. The focus is on the choice I somehow made to not be a victim in spite of my history. My echoes of abuse were very difficult to silence. But I did. And, sadly, my story is not the worst story out there.
Bottom line on this book is I’m reaching out and trying to touch everyone’s heart – whether they are the victim or the perpetrator. There is help here mostly for the victims because they didn’t ask for it, but there is also help for the ones who use violence in its various forms to control others. We tend to forget they probably didn’t ask to learn from their own perpetrators.
When will this book arrive? End of 2017. Maybe sooner.
Imagination is necessary for creativity, compassion, human connection, and our relationship with the “mystery of life”. The Native Americans (which I am deeply connected to) have a worldview in which faith, practice, and imagination work as a form of unity that helps lead us, in a spiritual way, to use our own sacred imagination in our communications with self and others. This is applicable to many forms of communications – including writing fiction and non-fiction.
It seems in fiction, the trail markers of what “really happened” don’t exist. The writer must bravely step into the wild unknown by having enough faith to know the imagination will provide what’s needed to create the meaning of the story. Now that’s an exercise in trust, deep listening, and active creation.
Along these lines, we’ve all seen articles or books that refer to “sacred wisdom” and “divine mysteries”. I personally believe that already resides in each of us every moment of our life and is based on the colorful patterns we’ve created from what we have learned, lived, released and hold close to our heart.
Where does that wisdom come from you ask?
I’ll quote Ram Dass”
“The most exquisite paradox… as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can’t have it. The minute you don’t want power, you’ll have more than you ever dreamed possible.”
To me, that means it’s already in each of us – the trick is to let it find you. Then let it out with all the love and trust that resides within.
When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me, I do not want dark rites full of gloom to fill the air. Cry only with tears of joy for my soul is about to be set free. Miss me a little – but not too long – and never with your head bent low. Look up into the sky – and then let me go.
Wish me goodbye by turning your face to the wind for me and let it blow through your hair and soul as you watch it mingle with the memories of the times we’ve shared in this life – but then let me go.
Don’t chain my memory down with excessive tears of grief. Life has been like a bottle of bubbly champagne all fizzed up with the laughter of silly times as well as the pinpricks of disappointment. And then let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take with our loved ones as well as alone. It’s all part of the master plan – we much each step on that road toward home. Remember, do not drown your sorrows with anger and grief. More importantly, do good deeds for others in my name – with the memory of my love and compassion.
Miss me a little but not to long – and then let me go.
Dedicated to Vera Engelmann – I will forever honor the amazing woman you are.
Let’s think that through for a moment. Assuming this example is correct, firewood is the “fuel” to fire’s needs. Firewood would still be firewood without the fire and remains so until fire uses it. When fire uses the firewood to fuel itself, it morphs the firewood into ash. The fire actually changes the shape, look and feel of the firewood by destroying its previous existence as simple firewood. Interesting.
Let’s apply that to a second example, “anger is not violence”. Anger is the fuel violence needs. Anger would still be anger without violence, it remains the same until violence uses it. When violence seeks out and uses anger to fuel its violence, as with fire and firewood, violence changes the shape and look of anger by intensifying it to the level of abusive and harmful proportions unlike its previous existence as simple anger. Anger has now become buddies with violence. Violent anger spreads like wildfire – leaving only ashes. Interesting.
And true. As I was recovering from the abuse of my past, I was left with the metaphor of “ashes”. What do I do with these ashes? Study them, move them around, try to make sense of the patterns within the ash?
Eventually I decided to just kick the ash out of my life.
Nature ever flows, stands never still. Motion or change is her mode of existence. The poetic eye sees in Man the Brother of the River and in Woman the Sister of the River. Their life is always transition.
Hard blockheadsonly drive nails all the time; forever . . . fixing.
Heroes do not fix, but rather they flow, bend forward and invent a resource for every moment.
Most of us live a life that is not always made of straight lines taking us from one event to another – from point A to point B. Many of the lines of life are actually created by broken lines – the ones drawn by an unexpected turn, or maybe when we feel we have been on a long, continuous chaotic path. In truth, it wasn’t chaotic at all.
When you step back to see where you’ve been, you will notice the intricate beautiful pattern and vivid colors of a life stitched together from what had felt like nothing more than mismatched scraps of events and broken lines. From afar, you will notice there was an intricate design all along, AND YOU WERE THE DESIGNER.
In life, broken, crooked, and straight lines will repeatedly and randomly occur. What is important is that those lines intersect with other lines. We always have companions along our journey, and whatever we create, we face together, because each of us is an intricate part of a design bigger than an individual whether the lines are straight or broken.
Together as a whole we weave a colorful masterpiece for the universe. Unique onto each of us. Join the party dear reader. Your mind is limitless – the effects unimaginable. Ask the questions and hear the answers.