Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real
Ouch, fear, hope, gratitude. Those are the things I’m feeling right now because its time for the healer to go through her own healing process. What an amazing shift from the norm. This adventure has shown me a new perspective per sec – how to guide myself through a healing process rather than guiding others.
Unfortunately, I inherited an aggressive genetic early-onset degenerative form of arthritis from my mother. I’ve fought a good battle but in two weeks I’ll be in surgery for a total-knee replacement. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been through many surgeries because of the arthritis but this one is quite special.
Every surgery I’ve had has been fought tooth and nail from beginning to end. Anger about having this genetic issue was common – even anger at my mom. Well, actually I was mad at the entire world and that became my constant focus. Resistance was paramount – I lived in “my mind” and supported every nasty thought I could come up with about how horrible this was as I constantly asked “why is this happening to me again.” The result of this type of thinking was my healing always took a long time, I was in fear constantly, and I lived every second of every day as a victim.
Thankfully, I have learned to be mindful about what my chattering brain was incessantly saying. Because I now choose what I think, this surgery will be totally different. I have chosen to focus on gratitude rather than fear and anger. Following that vein of thinking, below is a list of some things I’m very grateful for – not all-inclusive of course. But each is heart-felt.
~ I am grateful for ~
A strong protective home to live in.
Having clean water to drink.
The food in the fridge – and having a fridge.
The clothes in my closet with a washer/dryer to keep them clean.
A real bed with warm blankets when I’m cold.
To feel safe when I fall asleep at night.
All levels of my education.
The gift of guiding others in their healing.
Knowing everyone is my teacher as well as a student.
To be able to afford health care.
To own a car.
To not have bombs dropping on me.
That I have the freedom to choose.
The love of my husband & family.
That my knee simply needs a tune-up.
That I have a knee.
That I have this life.
That no matter what – I am eternal.