I’ve been helping people heal and find balance for many years and my first difficult person to heal has arrived. ME! My biggest struggle is with the concept of how to heal SELF – how to dedicate 30 percent of my day toward my own self-care. It isn’t about making the time actually, it is how do I go about caring for my mind, my emotions, my body, and my soul when I’m so used to focusing on helping others do that. Healing self demands a mind shift.
We are each a living system full of complex interactions of energy and information exchanges within our environment. When healers help others heal, they don’t focus on the 2+million stories individuals have in their heads, their painful memories, addictive tendencies, or even the wounded heart they are protecting. There is never judgement as we help others heal. We healers simply heal from a heart full of compassion.
Humans tend to be experts at judging self in a very harsh manner. This example of healers having difficulty in healing themselves is no exception. Many of us do not devote enough time to healing self simply because we have not practiced it nearly as much as we have practiced healing others. Are we afraid to heal because we might lose our identity of being a healer? Healing takes hard work and courage. Are we afraid of failure? The pain inside us? Does the ego of the healer suffer when they discover they need healing? I think the answer is simple. We believe our needs comes last. In truth, we must come first to be able to heal others.
To all you healers out there, it’s time to heal self.
Nature’s truism is within a circle all points are equal. Even the cycles of nature are circular; there are seasons, days and nights, life and inevitable death. Moving through life with circular graceful consciousness births empowerment.
We humans love to push things. When we push against the circle, we begin to “think” circle, or “think” flow. This “I need to control and understand” action makes the circle linear with a beginning and an end. It distorts the natural flow of life.
Moments are like perfect circles. When we consciously pause within a moment, no point has a better vantage point of clarity then another. Each moment is perfect. Each moment is a prequel to what follows.
Surrender. Let things go-just flow. To try to hold any point makes us linear.
Within the circle lives the beginning, the end, and everything in between.
Recently I was struck by a phrase while watching the movie, “The Book Thief”. Toward the end of the movie, “Death” made the comment, “Death is always haunted by humans”. That could be turned around to “Human’s are always haunted by death” don’t you think?
AND, yet another, maybe more powerful way to put it is;
Dedicated to My Sisters – Vicki & Sandy (Originally Written January 2015)
“A Letter to Myself”
My thoughts are wandering back in time today – it’s been almost 10 years since both our sisters left their earthly physical form. As I write to you Dearest Debbie, I notice with a sense of absolute wonder and awe how different “remembering” within the actual moments of the past is compared to “re-remembering ” those moments. Every experience in the “now” contains the beauty and heartbreak of a time when we could still physically touch and tightly hug our two sisters.
Oh lovely self, our spirituality and faith were certainly tested – our sanity probably more than those two put together ten-fold. In spite of our losses, we stand stronger than ever because we now know we never truly lost them at all.
Stepping back in time, I’m remembering our sister Vicki’s last days. You and I watched her pain and admired the unlimited amount of love and compassion she expressed to those she knew would be left behind. Her daughters, her grandchildren, her sisters and friends. You remember how we felt as we watched her slowly slip away – the devastation of loss was blended together with the joy of having her finally released from pain. It was like a cyclone of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But looking back, I also see the beauty of her illness; the true gifts we were given. We were with her when she slipped way. A gift we couldn’t see at the time, but none the less that gift of being with her now lives in our heart and soul. A sacred lesson she shared with us was to never become a victim of her death or life’s experiences. She taught us that letting her go would set her spirit free and that we would always have her within our memories and dreams.
It was tough working through the grief wasn’t it? Little did we know another horror was lurking in the dark. About one month after Vicki’s passing, our second sister Sandy was diagnosed with terminal cancer. During those next few months, we watched as she also fought so hard to live and win a battle that could not be won. Sister Sandy, again, was a shining example of keeping a smile on her face to strengthen her husband, daughters, son, sister and grandchild for what they would soon face. I so clearly remember her being silly, goofy, funny and sassy until those very last moments when she quietly passed away. Our last sister slipped away in a cradle of immense love – she left her love behind for each of us.
This time the best lesson was “It’s good to be numb”. We were protected for a bit. The pain was so intense, and feeling numb helped us feel cozy and safe in our fuzzy blanket of intentionally blocked feelings. Gifts can sometimes be dualistic. Without dualism, we would never know the difference between darkness and light. Between horror and happy. “Numb” was great compared to feel anything at that time. We needed safe – we needed time to build energy to even begin the grief process. We put ourselves away and hid in solitude to heal. That was perfectly fine – it was our way.
I’m thankful for all life’s teachings but damn, another crisis struck when we consciously became aware that we were now orphans. Both parents gone. Both siblings gone. “We” had become an “I”. To heal we had to walk through hell, feel the intense fiery heat of rage, and move beyond it all to come out the other side as a whole human being that no longer needed to be numb. The gift: we learned we are not alone – we never actually are.
We rock Dearest Debbie. We learned to stop living as a victim, we stood up and faced adversity, we dug deep and found the beauty and began to become our authentic self. We took the intense loneliness and re-purposed that power to help us bravely begin walking down the healing path – on wobbly feet. We began to grow and slowly push through the numbness so we could feel; maybe for the first time? Our sisters spirits became the wind, the water, the air, the wood and fire that helped us bloom into the amazing person we now are.
We stand tall and proud today. We help teach others how to break away from the vicious life-strangling bonds of “being” a victim, how to find balance in health and well-being. We teach hope. We are blessed every single day. Why? Because we know each person we encounter are in reality both our students and teachers – which means Dear Debbie, we are always a student and a teacher as well.
I love you “self”. Maybe knowing that is the biggest lesson learned through these past years. Authentic love and acceptance of self does in fact free the soul. Thankfully, the beautiful spirits of our sisters Vicki and Sandy continue to soar with us and help guide us as we continue along our own path to reach beyond the stars – the gateway to all wonders. My love continues to be with you Vicki and Sandy – and with you as well Dearest Debbie.
The intricate astrological meaning of the fall Equinox is beyond me let alone the recent Super Moon and Eclipse. But the beauty and energy it brings simultaneously comforts, heals and challenges us. I admit the picture attached is not of the best photographic quality, but for Minnesota at least it wasn’t snowing when I took it!
Gaze at the picture for a moment and notice the contrast of light and dark. Notice how the light has so much power it can shine through clouds. Now, think how far away that moon is. Amazing that we can see it with the human eye – what a gift.
It is a meditation of wonder and a study in dualism
So, part of the muse is this.Why not entertain the possibility that for the moment, we don’t look ahead to winter,but rather choose to enjoy the deepening colors of fall, the coolness of the air, and the fact that the mosquitoes are gone! Let’s immerse ourselves into each moment we experience. Not what is going to happen in ten minutes, next week or next month.
Dualism exists within and around us every moment. There is and always will be light and dark, clouds and clear, bliss and depression. I say again, every moment of our life is governed by dualism. Thankfully, we have the ability to choose how to experience each one of our moments.We can consciously choose how to see, feel, and be. We can choose to walk the middle ground of dualism or we can choose to be on the dark or light side. It doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen – it just means we choose whether to focus on the light or dark of everything.
The past is behind us and the future, well, we don’t know what that holds or what form it will take. So choose to enjoy of the beauty of this moment . . . it is all we truly possess.