My Chosen Ending

When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me, I do not want dark rites full of gloom to fill the air. Cry only with tears of joy for my soul is about to be set free. Miss me a little – but not too long – and never with your head bent low.  Look up into the sky – and then let me go.

Wish me goodbye by turning your face to the wind for me and let it blow through your hair and soul as you watch it mingle with the memories of the times we’ve shared in this life – but then let me go.

Don’t chain my memory down with excessive tears of grief. Life has been like a bottle of bubbly champagne all fizzed up with the laughter of silly times as well as the pinpricks of disappointment. And then let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take with our loved ones as well as alone. It’s all part of the master plan – we much each step on that road toward home. Remember, do not drown your sorrows with anger and grief.  More importantly, do good deeds for others in my name – with the memory of my love and compassion.

Miss me a little but not to long – and then let me go.


Dedicated to Vera Engelmann – I will forever honor the amazing woman you are.

One Lonely Chick

July 27, 2005 – Journal Entry

So here I am San, sitting in the grass by your memorial.  This is the day you were admitted to hospice a year ago – the day before you died.  Today, I have brought you a white rose with a note for you to read from wherever you are. I hope you know I’m here – I sense you all around me either way.  The mallards are swimming around the pond and one female appears to have only one baby.  Their reflection in the water is so serene.  Do they sense pain with the loss of a chick I wonder?  My tears keep falling . . . I wish we had more time . . . I couldn’t stop those grains of sand in the hourglass of your life.

Am so glad you are now with our sister Vic, but damn, I want you both here with me, now.  I want justice and compassion from the Universal Planner. How could Vic die in February, you die in July?  How can that be fair in any way, shape or form. There are still moments when I feel so very alone – like a lighthouse would feel if it lost its light.

That one mallard waddled up with its chick and they are standing in the grass about 5 feet away – so very cute!  You and I loved to fish and watch the waterfowl and we always got more fish then the guys did.  The little chick suddenly just went out into the water away from her mom and is slowly swimming around “peeping”.


Just like me – swimming around all alone.

The chick is trying to find its mom and I’m still trying to find my sisters.

Letting Go

I love the poetry of Mary Oliver.   Am remembering the passing of my two sisters, my father-in-law, a family members brother, and others.  This poem reminds me of the “Letting Go” process.



Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
and fulfillment

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.

Every year
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.


Ahhhh, how beautiful.

To all the 1’s & Zero’s

Am feeling the love at this moment – chance connection to an amazing group of folks just went down starting with CG. Ayling. That spread out like wildfire with re-tweets between us, re-tweets of my book in-process, Silencing Echoes, those tweets brought more re-tweets and new very “tweet” friends.  How wonderful a human connection can be – even within a bunch of numbers of code.

Ones and Zeroes – who would have thought that we connect millions with those two numbers.

Thanks to all the 1’s and 0’s I’m meeting.

You are all worth trillions…..

Once Upon the Alter of Hope

“Once Upon the Alter of Hope” is a collection of the journals entries I wrote while I was healing from the abusive stories still living in my heart and head. It illustrates that by healing from the devastation of our painful personal experiences, we can actually begin to choose to not experience life as a victim of abuse.  This book is complied with some of my original art, thought provoking truisms and is packed-full of quick reading tips and advise that can easily be applied to every moment of your life.

Um, wish I could say – but hopefully by the Fall of 2017.


Dedicated to My Sisters

Changed my banner up a bit since the book I’m a contributing author in, “Heart to Heart: The Path to Wellness”, is about to hit the racks!  I choose to wait just before the books came to post this banner . . . because it is very special to me.  To their loving memory . . . .


Bullied . . .

Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.

Been there, done that, never again.